Letter to me

Brad Paisley has a song, “Letter to Me.” In the song, he writes his teenage self a letter about what lies ahead and all the good in the future. At the beginning of the letter, he mentions a few things his teenage self would only know to prove it’s him. I have said for years that I will write a letter to my teenage self but never have. Until now…

Me at 17. Photo credit: Dad

 Dear Mali,

This letter has been a long time in the making and I am finally sitting down to write it. Remember your 17th birthday, the one your family forgot because of all that was going on. Dad was moving to a new law firm after 26 years at one that was now folding. Mom was helping him move and your sister was off hanging with friends as she was home from college for winter break. The plan as usual was to celebrate on New Year’s Eve, (the day after) but at least a card on the day would have been great.

Well, that event sums up your teenage years. I knew who I was and what I wanted. I was a no-holds-bar, tell-it-like-it-is kid. I wanted to be an archaeologist. I just wasn’t good at getting others to see me because I was socially awkward most of the time (and rarely spoke up about how I was feeling). I made friends but wasn’t always good at keeping them as life kept going. There were times because of this that you felt alone. I learned to keep to myself. And I didn’t openly share with the friends I had/have for fear that my social awkwardness would come out and they would leave. I have valued having a core group of great friends rather than a large group of good friends. I tell people I have two BFFs, one in NYC and one not (and you two know who you are). I chose to attend a women’s college to avoid the social aspect of a coed education. High school had turned me off to this and the concept of cliques and popular kids vs. unpopular kids.

Now that I am past the 50 mark, I realize how important making connections is to my business, not just to build my friend circle. For my birthday two years ago, I had a ladies’ brunch to celebrate. It was great to have girlfriends from all parts of my life meet each other and know that they are special to me. It showed me that I can surpass my social awkwardness and put myself out there.

To, my 17-year-old self, don’t despair. You will have rough patches and hard times, but you will make it through. You will have the support of your family and your growing friend circle. Most importantly, you will learn to be a friend to yourself and to care for yourself.

One last thing, you have a daughter who is amazing, beautiful, and kind. I didn’t become an archaeologist and I lost a fair amount of my no-holds-bar attitude. I became a loving, patient, and compassionate mom. Also, I hope I have taught my daughter to love and befriend herself.

Love,
Mali